Sunday, 13 September 2015

It's pretty safe to say it's been ages since my last post, so I figured a catch-up is most definitely in order!

These past couple of months have been hectic for me, so I hope you can forgive me for neglecting the blog a little.

A few months back, I wrote about how I was going back to see a specialist regarding my Endometriosis.  As it turned out, it had in fact returned quite severely and I was put straight onto the waiting list for my second laparoscopic surgery.  I had the surgery done - along with a couple of other procedures - on the 25th of August.

Everything went well, and I'm doing okay with recovery.  I had two cysts removed and quite a lot of the disease had returned, so that was also treated.  I will find out more in a few weeks, when I go for my post-op appointment at the hospital.

During this time, my fiancee lost his job (unfairly), so needless to say it has been a stressful time for us both.  Fortunately, he has since started a new job and is doing great with it so far!

Add to this, a family member who is extremely unwell - and just the general anxiety I feel on a normal day - and hopefully you can understand why I've been slightly M.I.A. on the blog.

Now that I've had my surgery, we are starting to try for a baby - which is both extremely exciting, and equally as terrifying!  I have so much anxiety around whether or not the Endometriosis will hinder my chances of falling pregnant, or - if I do fall pregnant - not being able to carry a baby to term.  Plus, there's always the worry that if I'm lucky enough to have this amazing, healthy, beautiful baby that I've always wanted - WHAT IF I DON'T COPE?  I have chronic migraines, anxiety, depression and Endometriosis - what if I'm a terrible mother because I just can't handle it all?  I can't even put into words how terrifying this all is to me.  But there is nothing I've ever wanted more in my life than to be a mother - and because of that, all the stress in the world is still worth it to me.

With everything going on in my life at the moment - all the changes - good and bad, the sadness of the prospect of losing a loved one, and just the general stress of chronic pain - I've been finding it a lot harder to cope with my anxiety and mood.  I'm just generally feeling overwhelmed, and therefore, things like blogging and my other writing projects have been getting pushed to the side.  I hope all of you lovely people who read my posts regularly, can understand and I do promise I will be posting regularly again in the coming weeks!

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